Major Life Update: Powerpoints ARE Effective.

Remember when I sat Andrew down and gave him a full powerpoint presentation describing how two dogs are better than one? And once completed, he was like "God, they need to give you more work at the office to keep you busy." And I was like "THAT WASN'T THE POINT OF THE PRESENTATION ANDREW!" and he was all "I get it. You really want another dog. I want one too." And I was like "REALLY?!?! WE CAN GET ONE?!?!" And he said "Yes. ...But not now. In a few years maybe." And then I stomped my foot and accused him of ruining my 5-year plan?

Remember that?

WELL GUESS WHO ADOPTED A NEW FUR BABY THIS SUMMER?????

HOLY SHIT HOW CUTE IS THIS LITTLE GIRL?!

Look at that face.

Just look at it.

Her name is Sky and she's now 6 months old. She's from the Carribean island of Anguilla, which means that she's frolicked on nicer beaches than I ever have. She was rescued by Rosie, a New-Brunswicker studying on the island who saw all the stray and neglected dogs and decided to make a difference for as many pups as she can.

Sky at the Anguilla Shelter

She then started the Fly-a-Pup program, where people visiting Anguilla bring puppies back North America with them as luggage to be adopted here. Which is how little Sky, the runt of her litter, came into our lives.  

It was fate. Magical canine fate.

When Andrew finally aggreed that we could get a second dog, I quickly discovered that Andrew was only interested in pups that looked like Lucy. I think he beleived that if Lucy = good, therefore Dog-that-looks-like-Lucy = good too.

We had also decided that our next dog would be called Sky, keeping with our Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds theme.



So when Fly-a-Pup posted a picture of this little girl, a Lucy-lookalike and already named Sky, and said that she would be flying to New Brunswick at the end of April, I pretty much exploded in awe of how fucking serendipitous this was.



I met her at our local shelter, applied to adopt her the same day, had Lucy (and Andrew) meet her the next day to see that they were compatible and took her home. Although Andrew was taken aback that we were bringing her home so fast, he fell in love with that little face before he could say no.



It's ok, you can cry at the beauty that is Sky.

Of course, because she's part of our family, she's obviously crazy/weird, so rest assured there will be Sky-related pictures and videos on this blog in the future. 

P.S. When I joked that we needed to finish Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds with a third dog called Diamond, he gave me a look that suggested "Don't push your Luck"/murder. I then told him that we could skip the dog, and he could just buy me a diamond ring instead.  Bam. We both win.

P.P.S. If you're interested in donating money to Fly-a-Pup or want your own little Anguillan pup, you can reach Rosie on Facebook or Twitter @PupFly.

I Work with Crazy People. And I Feel Totally at Home.

If I had a pet giraffe, I would name it Gustave. It would probably
be allergic to leaves. Or have multiple personalities.

I guess I never mentioned it, but I got promoted back in October. ...Oops. I'd like to say I didn't mention it because the promotion came with a huge raise and I've been busy traveling the world in my private jet and taking care of my pet giraffe. But I would be lying in your face...screen. I just have a horrible memory and forgot about this post. Sometimes I'm amazed I remember to feed myself.
But seriously, I want a pet giraffe. Someone make that happen for me.

Anyways, instead of being a Administrative Assistant, I'm now a Coordinator. I work for a company that does environmental assessments (we check proposed business and building projects to see if they'll negatively affect the environment), and my job is to make sure the projects and responses are all correctly catalogued and kept up to date.

I'm just a fancier secretary.

Next to my fancy-secretary desk, there is a whiteboard with the the status of every employee (in office, out sick, at a meeting, etc). This would usually be a pretty ordinary aspect of work, except for the fact that ours includes a completely fictional, nonexistant person.

We have Jack Longquest.


"Jack" appeared on our status board back in November, but is always out of the office due to some excuse or another. Having never met Jack, I like to think that he looks like Indiana Jones - College Professor Edition. He enjoys canoeing and has an unfortunate propensity to pose like a superhero when talking to you. He's a lifelong bachelor, makes his own beer and hates the sound of crinkling aluminium paper.

Look Ma, I'm number one!

As weird as it might be that I've completely made up a history and description for him, please remember that I'm not the one who created an imaginary coworker. Not only does he remain on the status board after 10 months, his status still receives regular updates. Reasons why Jack isn't in the office include:

• Acupuncture Appointment
• Origami Class
• Abducted by Aliens
• In the Bermuda Triangle
• Disney Movie Marathon
• At a Sweat Lodge

My coworkers who update the status board also send emails on Jack's behalf:

FYI, Jack Longquest will be out all day today.  He is attending a conference in Moncton.

And regularly mention Jack in their day to day conversations:

"Did you see that Jack is coming back on the twelfth? It's gonna be exciting to see him again!"

I like working here.

Instagram Quickie - Recreating-Moments-with-Nature Edition

Sometimes, I send Andrew text photos from work in which I pretend to be a deer chewing on a leaf.



*leaf-munching sound effect*

Unfortunately for Andrew, these kind of texts are pretty common. 

A POST! A POST!

Hello World!

The Gods of Creative Humor Writing are still being jerks, wagging their fingers at me, being all like "Nuh uh girlfriend, you are NOT publishing a post! You need to focus on eating Nutella straight out of the jar and taking a ridiculous amount of instagram photos of your pets".

But now I'm all "I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE! I'VE BEEN GIVEN A MAGICAL SPEAR OF CREATIVITY BY THE UNICORN KING OF SOCIAL MEDIA. STOP ME NOW, BITCHES!"

That's right, I'm fighting back, mothafuckas. 

Yep, looks about right.

Now that I'm back on the blogging wagon, I have some MAJOR catching up to do. Since my last post, I've had a few major changes happen in my life. (Spoiler: these changes do not include an engagement.) And rather than blurt it all out now, I think I'll divulge the updates one post at a time.

Suspense, y'all. I like to keep you coming back for more.

In the meantime, here's a mini post proving that not only is Andrew the Hick still around, he's mastered the art of dad jokes and improv.

Andrew's shirt says "I love animals... they're delicious."
Also, the ghost wearing black behind Andrew is actually me.

A few nights ago, Andrew had the glorious idea to have a cup of coffee an hour before bedtime. Giving a cup of coffee to a man with ADHD like Andrew is like giving a cup of coffee to a 5-year-old with ADHD.

The result of this combination was both of us laying in bed, him spouting off non-stop horrible jokes and me trying desperately to drown them out. What's worse, when he ran out of horrible jokes, he started to invent ones. This one was the cream of the crop:

 - What did the turtle say when he went into the sea urchin?

"Damn, you spiked...DA PUNCH!"

Seriously. That was the punch line.

So hopefully the fight against evil procrastination and writer's block continues, and another post will be up soon.