I Think the Cats Planned This...

Hi,

How have you been?


Hey Sexy. You wanna hop in my cat tree with me?





Oh me? I'm SO TIRED!



I could attribute it to working on the results of my research, getting prepared to do my big thesis presentation and working a full-time job, but I know that's not the problem. The problem is my two cats, who have decided to both go in heat... in rotation. In other words, there is always someone wanting some kitty action.

Seriously, the cats walk around like there's Barry White music playing everywhere they go.  


Take your pick. They're all about sex.



Being complete opposites,  they each have their own way of dealing with the tidal wave of lust they feel. For example, Sako enjoys writhring around on the floor like she's the star of a Maroon 5 song. Think "Misery". Or "This Love". Or any other Maroon 5 song, really.

While this behaviour is totally ignorable, the pièce de résistance in Hornysakoland is the nighttime concerts we get at our bedroom door. That shit can't be ignored. While she's usually quite shy and only chirps and meows for me, once 10pm passes, it's like she gets plugged into an amplifier. She becomes a melodramatic opera singer and yowls and cries all night at our door. It's like she wants all the male cats within a 5 kilometer radius to hear her. And frankly, our house being an old minihome with thinner walls, the cats probably can. Without fail, we get woken up every single night that Sako is in heat.

Tika, on the other hand, shows she's in the mood by constantly hitting on any object that vaguely resembles any kind of cat. Even if it looks like a physically disabled cat, Tika will be all over it; she's a slut for anyone and anything. This cat don't discriminate, y'all. Her favourite victim is Lucy, who apparently looks like a very big and strong tomcat. Lucy disagrees.



She also does that extremely awkward thing where she crouches down but sticks her butt and tail up, basically assuming the position, while continuously rocking on her back paws and purring like a Mofo. I have a video of it, but it's just disturbing as hell, so I'm not posting it.



As you can probably tell, it flipping freaks the shit out of me. So if you really want to see that, go Google it, you Freak.

I can't actually judge you for checking it out. I totally looked it up too, because I had never seen a cat in heat and was super confused at what she was doing. The hypochondriac in me was wondering if she might have a brain tumor or something. 

Seriously though, the first time she did it, I was so weirded out. I wouldn't look at her, let alone pet her. Which was unfortunate for the both of us, since she's extra cuddly while in heat. That first week basically consisted of her following me around purring, with me scrambling away from her, yelling "Oh God Andrew, SHE'S TOUCHING ME!" 

I'm now used to it, but its still hella freaky.



IS THIS WHERE YOU KEEP THE BOY CATS?!

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?

Now now, I know you are all thinking "Why doesn't she just have them spayed?" WELL I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT, PEOPLE! I am currently in the process of saving up money for it. I'm so desperate to have it done that I'm considering starting a fundraising charity for it.

OOOH, LET'S HAVE A CONTEST!

Welcome to the Name my Cat's Spaying Charity Contest!

Prize: increased reputation of awesomeness in the blogsphere, a thumbs up from me, & a decrease in blog posts complaining about my cats.

Contest Rules: None. Cause that's how I roll.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd GO!