Where do you Bring a Hick for his Birthday?

There's an excellent punchline to that question, I just know it...

 

The actual answer is Montana's Cookhouse.

 

 

For all you non-Canadians (aka, 90% of you readers), Montana's is a mountain lodge-themed restaurant. Half of the menu is solely dedicated to red meat, and the "mascots" are a taxidermied moose and deer. They also serve "man mugs", which hold three cans' worth of beer in them.

 

You get to have a dead animal stare at you while you eat. In Andrew's words,
"it's just awesome/"

Yeah, you can see why he asked to celebrate there.

 

We began the night wearing paper antlers (the hick version of paper crowns). However, as soon as Andrew saw me wearing a full rack of antlers, he ripped it off my head in disgust, shouted " a doe doesn't have antlers!" and tore off the top of my antlers. He then gingerly placed the modified hick-crown back on my head and continued on as if nothing happened.



Apparently this is a deer mating ritual.... I'm flattered, I guess?

After eating a main course primaily composed of animal parts (which cost more than my appetizer, main course and dessert combined), the staff sang him a song, gave him a complimentary dessert and placed this on his head.

Behold, Andrew the Steak Sauce Stealer, the cheapest Viking in the land!

However, once he found out that there was another headgear option that better suited his fashion sense, he had his helmet replaced by this one:

Yes, because when being asked to pose while sporting a moose rack, it is
best to look pensive. A+ for that rationale, Andrew.

He spent the rest of the night proudly sporting the ginormous moose rack, whilst I attempted to finish my dessert without getting knocked unconscious every time he swiveled his head.

I actually had to duck under to be anywhere near him.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

 

 I'm sorry I didn't let you attempt to steal the moose rack helmet. (I'm not genuinely sorry. That was a stupid idea. How the hell would you have pulled it off?)