GUESS WHO'S GETTING MARRIED?

Not me.



That honour goes to my best friend! I'll call her Switzerland, because she's so good at being neutral during conflicts. She's been my friend since we were two years old, so she's pretty much family.

So Switzerland was proposed to two days ago by a guy who loves her and makes her happy.

Congrats to the happy couple!

Now, here's my news.

I'M A MAID OF HONOUR, BITCHES!

I have no idea what that really means, other than I'm in charge of hiring strippers for the Bachelorette Party and I'll have to hold her dress up while she pees on the big day.

Other responsibilities I can think up include:

• Making sure Swizzy's wedding dress doesn't look anything like this.

• Kicking the ass of anyone who stresses her out during the planning and actual wedding.
• Being her Bitch until the ceremony and reception is over. From that point on, the Bitch title will be taken over by her new husband.
• While I loved the movie Bridesmaids, I promise not to recreate it in any way. That includes not taking strange pills during the flight down to the location.

Not me.

• Making sure it's the best day of her life.

Anybody else been a Maid of Honour/Honor before? What the hell else do you do?