Blogiversary Year One: I'm Slowly Sucking Andrew into my World of Blogging.

I can't believe its actually been a year since I started sharing my neuroses and other abnormalities with the world.

I wanted to organize a Giveaway, but then I remembered I'm broke as hell. So instead, I'm sharing a Pinterest Board full of things Andrew likes. He refused to create his own account, but was willing to personally pick out things that he thought were awesome. So click here if you want to see pretty women and funny animal photos. Like this:

This picture makes Andrew laugh ridiculously hard every
single time he sees it. Every. Single. Time.

It's clearly a work in progress.

Sidenote: I was actually going to have a comment draw where the winner would get a creepy personal acronym poem like the ones I used to write in High School, but then I thought that might be pushing the envelope in the wrong direction. Pulling the envelope? I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore...

Thank you for loving my weirdness and sharing your own kick ass comments and stories.

Let's just Rename Andrew M. André Bibliothécaire and give him a Berret and Monocle.

Holy shit you guys.

I'm pretty sure Andrew was kidnapped last night and replaced by a clone/robot/cleverly disguised genius llama, cause some weird shit went on.

Sidenote: For those who didn't know/forgot, I'm French Canadian.

When talking to my dad on the phone, Andrew casually asked me Qu'est-ce qu'il dit?, which is French for "What's he saying?" Let me explain why this is so astounding. 

DIE, CHEVREUIL, DIE!

Andrew's knowledge of French can be categorized into three different subjects:

1. The basics, such as Bonjour, comment ça va, etc.
2. Most of the animals of the forest. That way, he can identify them in both languages before blowing their heads off.
3. Swear words. Lots of swear words. Pretty much all of the swear words.

This is the vocabulary of a French toddler, if that toddler happened to be raised by sailors with no parenting experience.

So the fact that Andrew was able to form an entire sentence completely on his own that, while being small in size, was filled with contractions and complicated structure is nothing short of a small miracle.

This is why I simply stared at him in awe, whispering "what did you say?!" Probably feeling extremely superior, he smugly repeated the question with a flawless French accent and walked away. I finished my call with my father and stayed on the couch, wondering who the hell I've been living with for the past 3 years.

Then, later in the same day, I turned away from the computer to find this:


Notice the bag of Teddy Grahams under the chair.
I was not joking about the Teddy Grahams.

Never, in the entire 4+ years I've been with Andrew, have I ever seen him read a book, never mind a novel.

Sure, I've seen him read books about guns and reloading gun shells, enjoy cowboy comic books and glance at hunting magazines, but never an actual book with over 100 pages. And no pictures.

I was so shocked, I took a picture of it as proof that it actually happened because otherwise, no one would believe me.

Two Days Before my Blogiversary, it all Comes Full Circle.

Remember when I created this blog in order to vent out my frustrations that I was completely invisible at my previous job? That, after 5 months on the job, I was called Courtney in a company email?

It just fucking happened.

Again.

At a completely different job, where I have now been for over 4 months, I have received not one, but two packages in the mail today on which I am refered to as Courtney C.

I... I have no words.

It's my Motherf***ing Birthday, Motherf***ers!

Every year, I get overly excited about my birthday, even though nothing tends to happen.

 

BUT WHO CARES IF NOTHING HAPPENS, ITS MY BIRHTDAY BITCHES!

It's the ridiculously amazing cleavage, isn't it?

I'd write more, but I can't. I'm too busy doing whatever the fuck I want to do. Like sleeping in, singing Disney songs to my pets and crashing a bachelorette party.

 

Talk to you soon, because I'm sure I'll have some stories to share after tonight.

 

Have an awesome Friday!

In Case you Thought the Crazy Wedding Bitch Left the Building

She definitely hasn't. She's alive and well and still crazy as fuck, making sure Andrew knows I'd like to be an honest woman before I reach menopause.

And what better way to let him know I want to become Mrs. Andrew Hick than by going to a city-wide Bachelorette Party hosted by a local Bridal Gown Boutique for my birthday!

 

HELL NO!

Sidenote: No, his last name isn't actually Hick.

Sidesidenote: After reading my first sidenote outloud, Andrew responded "That would be awesome."

I'M GONNA HAVE A SPARKLY BIRTHDAY!

So this Friday (IN THREE DAYS!), I'm spending the night getting drunk with Bride-to-be Swizzy and two other friends (another BTB and Maid of Honour) surrounded by glitter and gowns. Since this party just happened to fall on my birthday, I'm assuming that they organized this just for me, so I'm going to pretend that it's my own personal wedding-themed birthday party.

I have a feeling some brides might get angry with me by the end of the night.

After getting shitfaced, I plan on using their complimentary drive home because I think they might have gotten a limo, and I want to feel like P. Diddy, minus the ridonkulous amount of name changes. And since I live way out of town, I'm going to get the driver to drop me off exactly at the city limit, and have Andrew drive me the rest of the way home.

A camera will be brought to the event in order to capture the true beauty behind me getting trashed.