Monday, 12 August 2013

I Work with Crazy People. And I Feel Totally at Home.

If I had a pet giraffe, I would name it Gustave. It would probably
be allergic to leaves. Or have multiple personalities.
I guess I never mentioned it, but I got promoted back in October. ...Oops. I'd like to say I didn't mention it because the promotion came with a huge raise and I've been busy traveling the world in my private jet and taking care of my pet giraffe. But I would be lying in your face...screen. I just have a horrible memory and forgot about this post. Sometimes I'm amazed I remember to feed myself.
But seriously, I want a pet giraffe. Someone make that happen for me.

Anyways, instead of being a Administrative Assistant, I'm now a Coordinator. I work for a company that does environmental assessments (we check proposed business and building projects to see if they'll negatively affect the environment), and my job is to make sure the projects and responses are all correctly catalogued and kept up to date.

I'm just a fancier secretary.

Next to my fancy-secretary desk, there is a whiteboard with the the status of every employee (in office, out sick, at a meeting, etc). This would usually be a pretty ordinary aspect of work, except for the fact that ours includes a completely fictional, nonexistant person.

We have Jack Longquest.

"Jack" appeared on our status board back in November, but is always out of the office due to some excuse or another. Having never met Jack, I like to think that he looks like Indiana Jones - College Professor Edition. He enjoys canoeing and has an unfortunate propensity to pose like a superhero when talking to you. He's a lifelong bachelor, makes his own beer and hates the sound of crinkling aluminium paper.

Look Ma, I'm number one!
As weird as it might be that I've completely made up a history and description for him, please remember that I'm not the one who created an imaginary coworker. Not only does he remain on the status board after 10 months, his status still receives regular updates. Reasons why Jack isn't in the office include:

  • Acupuncture Appointment
  • Origami Class
  • Abducted by Aliens
  • In the Bermuda Triangle
  • Disney Movie Marathon
  • At a Sweat Lodge
My coworkers who update the status board also send emails on Jack's behalf:
FYI, Jack Longquest will be out all day today.  He is attending a conference in Moncton.
And regularly mention Jack in their day to day conversations:
"Did you see that Jack is coming back on the twelfth? It's gonna be exciting to see him again!"
I like working here.


  1. This is like the episode of M*A*S*H when they had a fictional guy in the unit, Captain Tuttle. Except, most people didn't realize he didn't actually exist. Ultimately when it got too complicated, they had to have him pretend-die and have a memorial service for him. It's been many years since I saw that episode, so I may not have all the details right, but that was the gist. Anyway, I love that you guys have Jack!

  2. Hahaha I missed your posts!! So happy I just decided to check in tonight. And also that you had a bunch of new ones! I will tell Rene :p Miss ya!


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