Saturday, 14 April 2012

Dr. Christine - Like Dr. Phil, but WAY more doable.

I mean the advice is more doable. Not I'm more doable. Although I probably am.

Come on. Would you rather do this?....
...Or this?

Now I'm going to lay down some serious relationship advice.

Do you have a partner who has a hard time listening to your concerns and suggestions about your romantic relationship? Do they have ADHD, which distracts them during serious conversations? Do their eyes glaze over once you start "nagging"?
Well, here's a fool proof method of retaining the attention of your partner that also manages to entertain them (all the while informing them of more serious topics):

You ready for this groundbreaking information? Here it is.

Do more like this picture.
HUGE sidenote: I found this picture in google images while
searching "hand duck". It led me to Wikipedia, which identified
this hand gesture as the "silent duck". Now, whatever you do,
I'M SERIOUS!..... You did it, didn't you? I told you not to...
You probably regret letting your curiosity get the best of you.
I know I did. ....*shudder*
Recreate problematic situations between the two of you using hand puppets. If, like me, you don't have hand puppets at your disposal (yet), just use your hands.
None of this fancy shit. 

I find the best setting for these presentations to be during bedtime, when your partner is too exhausted to object. You can also let them participate by having them use a cellphone as a spotlight for the puppet show. Or better yet, you can have them join in! (Cause if they're willing to watch your puppet show, they're probably also willing to join the madness.)

Now here's an example of a "Talk to the Hand" session I have performed.

Left hand: *high pitch voice* Hey Andrew! How was work?
Right hand: *low, mumbly voice* Ok. Can I go hunting?
Left hand: But I thought we were going to have a night in and play Rockband so I could practice my Meatloaf duet with myself...
Right hand: Oh. But I want to shoot things. I promised Justin we would go shoot beer cans.
Left hand: But you promised me you would do the backup bass on Rockband for me. The bass is essential.
Right hand: So can I go hunting?
Left hand: .....
The entire reasoning behind this.
Right hand: *leaves*
Once I performed this, it was like BAM. Andrew got it; while Rockband 3 may not be his top priority in life, it is oftentimes mine. And it's important to make me happy. Because I have the ability to make his life a living hell.  

Once the conflict was resolved, we spent another half hour or so recreating everyday situations with our hands.

Because hand puppets are the best reason to stay up late during a weekday.


  1. For the record, having met Dr. Phil, I think I can speak with firm conviction on behalf of everyone who has ever met Dr. Phil. He is a total douche canoe. Not knowing you at all, I can already tell you, it would be intuitively obvious, to even the most casual blog observer that your advice far exceeds whatever nonsensical rant might be falling out of his face at any given moment...

    1. Using the term douche canoe at least once every day from this point on.

  2. BRILLIANT! I'm going to try the hand puppet thing out on my husband the next time he isn't getting what I'm saying. :D

    Oh, and yes... I did google "silent duck". -_- My curiosity is perhaps too active.

    1. Really though, I thought Wikipedia would censor that kind of shit. I was not prepared to see that, especially at the office.

      But I admire your curiosity. Thank God you're not a cat, or you'd lose some lives.

  3. Totally sweet advice! Here I was using my hand puppets strictly for entertainment when I could have been changing the world one man at a time. Yes, Christine I will accept this mission.

    Princess WeeWee

    1. Good Luck, Agent WeeWee. Please confirm mission completion at a later time.

  4. Wow. You should teach a hand puppet class. You could save a lot of relationships that way. And maybe get rich to boot. :)

    1. Think of all the possibilities! Using hand puppets to tell parents about a teenage pregnancy, puppets to propose to girlfriends, puppets to come clean about affairs...

      I see a TV show in the works.

  5. So, I guess I am investing in hand puppets now...

    Loved the post BTW!

    1. The best investment you`ll ever make! :)

      And thanks! <3

  6. A friend of mine and her husband had a similarly brilliant conflict-resolution strategy. They had little, rubber finger monster puppets on their bedroom dresser. When they would start to get into an argument, one person would bring them out, and each partner would have to put on a finger monster and finish the argument with the monster's voice. It usually made them laugh hysterically and forget whatever they were upset about. Brilliant!

    1. It's amazing how useful this technique actually is! It totally works. I would get into the psychology of it all, but frankly, I'm tired of talking psych right now. haha


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