Thursday, 29 March 2012

Oh! One Last Thing About Valentine's Day.. Cause I totally get distraOooh, a monkey!

Yeah, I started to write this over a month ago, but then one of the cats peed on Andrew's hunting pants, and I forgot about ever finishing it.
It was hilarious, by the way, because I was mad at Andrew that day. It's like the cat was dealing out the karma, so I sat there and let karma run its course.
Why Andrew would never cheat on me: respect, loyalty, and FEAR.
Anyways, back to Valentine's Day. After I had eaten the last nanaimo bar at the lodge, Andrew and I went back home to play on our computers. Because the best way to spend Valentine's Night is snuggling up to your computer.



So instead of ending our night pathetically hugging our facebook page, Andrew suddenly sat up and said we needed to go to his parent's house to see Carter's Valentine's Day gift. For those who don't know, Carter is my three year old boyfriend.

So we took the whole one kilometer trip (.6 miles) to his parents' house. Once we walked in, the first thing we saw was this:

Oh. My. God.

Look at that adorable face.

I have never made so many high-pitched noises in my life. I'm actually surprised that I didn't start hysterically crying.

Can you tell I was born in the 80's?

Turns out that Carter's Valentine's Day gift was a future girlfriend. As Carter's current girlfriend, I should have been violently jealous. But there is no way I can feel any violent thoughts towards that little bundle of love and rainbows. If I did, I would have No Heart. Which would then mean I have unknowingly been the main villain from the Care Bear cartoon series all these years.

They hadn't named her yet, so Andrew and I helped them by suggesting names. I joked that they should name her after a gun, like we did with our cats.
They named her Remington.

Yes, I'm serious. I've created a hick monster.

But she's nicknamed Remi, which is actually quite cute. I am now in love with her as well, and I know that she loves me too, because she pees all over the floor everytime she sees me. Uncontrollable piddling means true love. Or urinary incontinence.

Now here's a video of me making really weird noises and  her reaction. You are permitted to make high-pitched noises.

Also, I have pain in my left side. WebMD says I might have Pancreatitis, but thankfully, 95% of me thinks that's ridiculous.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

I Think the Cats Planned This...


How have you been?

Hey Sexy. You wanna hop in my cat tree with me?

Oh me? I'm SO TIRED!

I could attribute it to working on the results of my research, getting prepared to do my big thesis presentation and working a full-time job, but I know that's not the problem. The problem is my two cats, who have decided to both go in heat... in rotation. In other words, there is always someone wanting some kitty action.

Seriously, the cats walk around like there's Barry White music playing everywhere they go.  

Saturday, 17 March 2012

I Can be So Sneaky Sneaky.

Last night, while drawing up a potential guest list for my future wedding, I asked Andrew this:
...If we were throwing a party, let's say, a really big party, who would you invite?...
He should have seen through the question immediately, which would have most likely got me grounded again for being wedding crazy. But the Wedding Gods distracted him using Call of Duty. (Thank you, Wedding Gods.) He actually answered me, giving me a few more people to add to our list.

It wasn't until an hour later, while I was cleaning out the litter box, that Andrew came running over saying "YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT OUR WEDDING, WEREN'T YOU?"


I warded him off by repeatedly yelling "I have cat poop! I have cat poop! I will use it!" He backed away (such is the power of cat poop).

Crazy Wedding Planner: 1
Andrew: 0

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Andrew Says the Darndest Things...

I hate it when you've got someone in your face,
you try to give someone a hint and they won't
leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...

Andrew was gracious enough to let me post this. So this weekend, I'm making him WAFFLES!

Okay, so they'll be Ego Waffles from the toaster, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Back to quick story.

I was showing Andrew all the hilarious things on one of my boards on Pinterest (making sure he didn't see my GINORMOUS board full of wedding ideas), when we came across this one:

Obviously, it is hilarious on it's own. It's also the reason why we don't have blinds in our home. 

The really funny part about showing this to Andrew was when he read it outloud:


"I thought you were never ever ever ever coming home ever. So I spackled."

Oh. My. God.

How in the hell he got "spackled" out of "panicked", I'll never know. But I laughed so hard. There's something about the mental image of my dog frantically spackling the walls that makes me pee myself a little.

Reason #bajillion why Andrew is awesome.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Why Two Dogs are Better Than One. (Or, the Best Post Ever.)

After we got Lucifer and before we had the trouble twins (the cats, in case you didn't get the reference), I really wanted another dog. I love dogs, to the point that I almost left Andrew for his parent's Boxer named Carter. Seriously, that dog is my boyfriend on the side. If he was human, I would marry him, no question. And I know the feeling is mutual.

Damn Andrew, always photobombing my dates with Carter under the table.
Seriously, he's so handsome! Okay, I'm done now.
Back to Mission: Double the Dogs. I needed to convince Andrew that having two dogs would be more amazing than a date with Gwyneth Paltrow. And that was going to be tough.
  1. For Andrew, Gwyneth Paltrow trumps everything. Except maybe winning the lottery. Maybe.
  2. Andrew has learned the fine art of tuning me out. Great for him, not so much for me.
What my Aha! face looks like.
While these two points were going to make it near impossible to convince him, it didn't mean I wouldn't try.  THIS GIRL CAN'T BE STOPPED BY ANYTHING! So I racked my brain and I brained my rack (I don't know what that means,) and got an Aha! moment, as described by Oprah; although Andrew can press a "mute" button in his brain, he's a visual kind of guy who can't help but stare at movement. I happen to be a Master at PowerPoint. A total Master.

So I put two and two together and created the best thing ever created in the history of mankind: the Why Two Dogs are Better Than One PowerPoint. I actually sat Andrew down and did a presentation for him on our big screen TV. 

I mean business.

Here is is:

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Yes, I'm Still Looking at Wedding Stuff, Andrew. But this is just AMAZING.

Holy shit everyone.

This has to be the absolute BEST engagement photoshoot I have ever seen. EVER.


Check it out. You will not regret it.

You can better see the photos at

You can also find the photographer's Tumbler account and read awesome comments at But mainly read the comments. The people who criticize the use of weapons and accuse the photographer of setting up the couple for a death by Zombie are my new best friends.

Other than wanting to get married, THIS is now the number one reason to get engaged.

Monday, 5 March 2012

"Is that Even Legal?"

I just remembered a great moment that Andrew and I had during our first year together where, for a few hilarious seconds, we freaked out complete strangers.

It was Halloween night. Andrew and I had stopped in at house party of one of my High School friends. I had created a bunny costume, thinking that it would be so very fabulous if Andrew dressed in his hunting gear (see Birthday Suit) while I was a bunny. Because we could be like Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny, but when Bugs was dressed up like a girl in that opera episode. Without the winged helmet.

Me, as a bunny.
I want to point out that I was NOT a Playboy Bunny. Because I may be a little unhinged, but I am classily unhinged. I also want to point out that Charms Diamond Centre has a Playboy Bunny Logo diamond necklace. The fact that someone is not only willing to gift that to someone, but is also willing to pay over $100 for it both saddens and amuses me.
Side side note:  If you ever wrap your newborn baby in a playboy themed blanket, I will cut you.
Back to Halloween night. It was that night that I found out that Andrew is fairly boring in public; while he may pretend he's a T-Rex while we're at home, he will not wear a red plaid bomber hat and pretend that our BBQ lighter that looks like a shotgun is an actual shotgun when in public. In other words, he refused to dress up as a hunter. So much for my dream of winning the Best Couples Costume Award.

So there we were, standing in the kitchen at this party, me wearing bunny ears, a white tank top and a little fluffy tail, Andrew in everyday clothes, when we saw one of my acquaintances, TJ. While I knew TJ because he used to date one of my friends, it turns out TJ also used to go to High School with Andrew. Surprised that we ended up together, he asked us how we met each other.

As I have said before, I met Andrew through his cousin and my friend Miss Love when we all went four-wheeling together. Cause that's how hicks meet apparently.

So, for some reason, we both autonomously decided that the best and quickest way to explain our story was to point to each other and simply say "Cousins."

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