1. Make sure you live somewhere where the temperature goes below freezing at night and above freezing in the daytime. Sap only runs in these conditions because it is a total diva.
2. Find a shitload of maple trees.
3. Drill a hole into the tree, insert spile and hang bucket underneath it.
5. Everyday, drag your ass to those trees and dump all of the sap into a manmade tank attached to a four-wheeler with tank tracks instead of wheels - cause you're a badass.
- Be prepared for aching muscles and an emergence of whiny complaints.
6. Bring the sap tank to the camp, put sap through filters to get rid of nature (bits of bark, confused bugs, etc.)
7. Put sap in boiler and boil the fuck out of it.
Sidenote: It's actually a lot more complicated than just simply
boiling - it has to go through more filters and boil at a certain
temperature to be ready, etc. (I won't go too far into it, cause
it's boring and you don't care)
Extra step added by Andrew: Bring case of beer. Drink it all.
9. Put it in a fancy glass bottle. Or just a in can you found on the side of the road. Don't sell the dirty can. You will probably get sued.
10. Make pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and spread syrup over them like it's the only thing that keeps your heart pumping.
|Lucy has no reason to be included in this post|
other than the fact that she's gorgeous.