Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Nighttime with an Aggressive Sleep-Talker

So, as most of my friends know, Andrew talks more in his sleep than he does all day. Being a psychology major, I like to attribute his somniloquy (it sounds like soliloquy, only Andrew is definitely not Shakespearean) to hidden childhood trauma. Also, I have a flair for the dramatic. Anyways, I’ve carried on many conversations with him in his sleep, just because it’s more interesting than sleeping and entertains the hell out of me. The converstations are always different, except for the fact that he gets mad at me in pretty much every single dream. This is the latest encounter:
 At around 2:30am, I get up and go to the bathroom and come back to bed. Lucy is squirming in her bed, but is otherwise sleeping. All of a sudden, Andrew goes “For Christ’s sake! *unintelligible* EGGKDGJCcmxn fuckin fenjkwn enj!”, I ask Andrew “What?” and he almost yells “LUCY! Go back to bed!” (as I said, Lucy is already sleeping in bed). I ask  “Andrew, are you awake?” He says “Yes!” So I say, “then what is the problem?!” and he answers “You won’t put your damn pants away!”…. So I say “… I don’t think you’re awake Andrew…” And he says “I am now…” Turns out, I was getting him really angry in his dream and he wouldn’t explain what it was about, since he was still a little angry at me.
The first night I discovered the Mr. Hyde to Andrew's Dr. Jykell really takes the cake though. I was staying over at his place, when I decided to go get a glass of water. However, I didn't even have time to sit up before I hear Andrew mumbling. Then it goes like this.
Me: What, Andrew?
Andrew: There's so many cows in here.
Me: Cows where???
Andrew: In here!
Me: What, in the room?
(At this point I'm really confused)
Andrew: NO, in here. *pats the bed*
Me: On the bed?
(Apparently, I am now an idiot, because I can't follow normal conversation)
Andrew: What?! NO, fuck off!
Then, as I am then laying in bed, trying to figure out what the hell just happened, he turns around in his sleep and spoons me. Though we had been together for awhile then, I still harboured the thought that my boyfriend might be a secret psychopath. Yet again, flair for the dramatic. I have now accepted his crazy comes out at night, and have since then been somniloquylly (yeah, I just made that up) yelled at dozens of times.
I googled "cows in bedroom" in an attempt to help
you visualise. Instead, google led me to this image.
Anyhow, you'll be hearing more of these encounters later on.
P.S. I didn’t know it was called somniloquy. WebMD told me so.
P.P.S. I need to stop going on WebMD. I’m turning into a hypochondriac.

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