Saturday, 14 July 2012

Cause After Being Stuck with Each Other for Four Years, We REALLY Need a Vacation

Long post with lots of pictures. Get ready, Bitches, cause this is a marathon!

Here's a little summary of our Four Year Anniversary trip that Andrew and I took.

We'll start off with the fact that rather than taking an hour to get there (the actual time required to get there), it took us two and a half hours. Why, you may ask?

Because even though I gave Andrew a provincial map and a copy of visual and written directions to the lodge, Andrew just assumed he knew the way and winged it.  What should have looked like this...

Ahhh, what a simple and easy journey!
Ended up looking like this.
Where the Fuck are we, Andrew? WE'RE SUPPOSED
I could elaborate on how our trip could have been corrected multiple times if someone would have simply asked me for directions, but I won't.  Because I would resort to yelling at Andrew. And maybe punch him in the crotch.

Let's just say that our happy times where we sang along with Xavier Rudd were peppered with periods of arguing, followed by long silences (which is difficult to do when Xavier Rudd is playing in the background. Listening to him, you just want to smoke a toke and surf all day. And I don't even smoke, or surf.)

Thank God we weren't listening to country music. Because I would have gotten violent. Like, Naomi Campbell-with-a-cell-phone violent.
When Andrew saw this in the lodge,
he felt at home immediately.
So we finally reached the Lodge, where we were greeted by the German owner, who gave us a bright green drink (with alcohol in it, thank God) that he called a Green Lawn. Well, I assume that's the translation of a German drink, because its definitely a horrible-sounding drink in English.
Side note: Google says its a GrĂ¼ner Rasen. I have no idea how to pronounce that, so I'll just presume that it sounds cool.
So after our drink, we head to our cottage. It was adorable.

I'm pretty sure these beds were 3/4. I
know that encourages cuddling, but at
least a double/full would have been nice

Once we settled in and waited for suppertime, this conversation happened:
Poison, according to Andrew.
Andrew: I feel like they're going to kill us in the middle of the night.   
Me: What?!
Andrew: What if they put something in that lawn drink and poisoned us, or just something to put us to sleep so they could stab us later? 
Me: Why would they kill us? That's horrible for return business.

Apparently, when on vacations, our mental states switch so that Andrew is crazy and dramatically paranoid and I'm the sane one. It was a refreshing experience/ slightly scary to see what I sound like to an average person.

Once he was reassured that no one would die, Andrew proceeded to take a nap. Lucy quickly joined in. I spent my first hour in the cabin mentally alone. (As in, no one was mentally present. Not "the voices in my head finally stopped.")

I eventually woke him up and we headed to the main lodge for dinner.

 It was fabulous. The table setting was all silver, porcelain and crystal. It was not made for people like us.

Although I coached Andrew a little on what fork to use, etc, I really had no idea myself what to use. We pretty much looked like idiots with good taste. Here are pictures of the amazing homemade food.

How do you say fucking delicious in German? Cause this shit was beyond scrumptious.

Apparently in Germany, most restaurants accept dogs and even give them a meal and bowl of water, so we were allowed to brign Lucy in with us. Food tastes so much better when a dog stares at you eating as if you were eating the last meal on Earth.

After supper, we attempted to take a walk through their beautiful trails, but the dog flies were so bad that we ended up going back to the cabin and played card games all night. I won all of the games.

Ok ok, that's a lie. I won one out of five games. But I like to pretend that I won everything.

In the morning, we were once again given a huge, amazing meal.
Is this how Germans eat? Cause if they do, I wouldn't be surprised if they were all morbidly obese. So. Much. Goodness.

 After each gaining five pounds of tastiness, we packed our bags and headed back.

We took the short way home.

Country music played and there was no violence involved.


  1. I just returned from vacation as well and after about 10 minutes in the office have determined that I need to find another job or quit all together as soon as possible since this place sucks more than you can imagine!

    1. Me too! We must work in the same hell-hole!

  2. Verdammt Lecker - Fucking Delicious in German. Pronounced Vur DAHMT lecka, at least in my home.

    Anything else you want translated. I am here to serve all of your swearing-in-German needs.

    1. Shut your face, you syphilitic whore.

      You're not a whore as far as I know, I just want this translated :)

  3. So tasty looking! And how awesome you could take your dog?

    I'm very happy you were able to keep from killing Andrew, since I realise that's probably the most difficult part of a vacation. :D

    1. The vacation itself was great, but when we kept going further and further in the wrong direction, I must admit I was going livid.

      I'm amazed Andrew still has all of his limbs after that fiasco. ;)

    2. Speaking of limbs, how did he break his arm? Did I miss a story??

  4. Looks like you all had a great time, minus the drive there. Glad no one was injured. ;)


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