|While searching for this photo, Google offered |
"Breast Pump Disco Party" as a result. You read
my mind once again, Google.
- A small light. A pocket flashlight or cell phone will do.
- A little cow (Mine was a tiny metal figurine.)
- Using a real cow is ill-advised as they tend to poop wherever they want.
- *Everyone should have some sort of cow in their house. Everyone. It cow-pletes your home
- I'm sorry that just happened.
Step 1: Wait for your partner to go to sleep. They should be asleep for at least half an hour.
Step 2: Enter the bedroom, sneak over to their side of the bed and place the cow near their face.
Step 3: Turn on small light, pointing it at the cow.
Step 4: Make the cow dance around on the pillow while you moo a song. (Preferably a disco song, such as the Bee Gees' "Staying Alive".)Now, their reaction to this event will determine their awesomeness-score.
|You have no idea how much time and effort it took to make this.|
- They get angry: Ok, so it's kinda expected. Most people don't care to be woken up, especially by a dancing cow. The only things that should ever wake me up from a wonderful sleep are chocolate cake, unicorns or Joe Manganiello. Or Joe Manganiello carrying a cake while riding a unicorn.
However, regardless of how reasonable this reaction may be, it's clear that they lack the A-1 Mellow gene in their Awesome chromosome.
- Score: Awesome-deficient. They should learn to fly a jet, or hang out with Joe Manganiello. It's a well-known fact that Awesome can be transfered through osmosis.
- Score: Unfortunately, you seem to have attached yourself to a normal human being. One that is used to your shenanigans, but does not revel in them like you do. What a boring, sad life. To cure this, you must force-feed craziness into your partner's life until they learn to appreciate it, goddamnit!
- Score: Awesomeness Enthusiast. Your partner is like a bird-watcher, except instead of looking for birds, they just live with a crazy person for their own personal amusement. Just be glad they don't keep you in a cage to watch you flit around and sing.
- Unless you're into that sort of thing.
- If you are, you're fucked up.
- Score: You need to keep this one in a cage, if that's what it takes to hang on to them.
- The comment about cages in the previous score only applies if you enjoy being in a cage; it's totally normal to want to cage certain people.
Let me know if you've attempted this test and please share your result.