Slow Clap for Me

Someone left a bunch of chocolate mints on my desk in a little tray. I reached to grab one and managed to not only knock down the tray itself, but also my mouse, my water bottle and my PC.

I'm surprised it doesn't look like this.

At that point, I had invested so much for a mint, so I had to pick one off the floor and eat it anyways. Turns out, I hate the combination of chocolate and mint and I have been spitting it out into my garbage can. At least two people came up to me during my SpitFest. I am always keeping it classy.

Chicken Bones: 1, Common Sense: 0

I just ate another Ganong Chicken Bone. Which I am allergic to.

My tongue is now super tingly. I will have Andrew update you all if I end up in the hospital.

Damn, I really want a girl cheese again. 

Work is slowly sucking away my soul today.

Kinda like a Dementor.

We are the Ghosts of Marketing, Sales, and Web Editing.

Crap, wrong movie...

I don't know what's up with work today. We are all really sick of being here. It feels like 7pm. But it's not even 3 yet OH GOD I HAVE ANOTHER 2 HOURS OF THIS.

What the hell is up with the work environment?! We have a really bad air exchange system, so maybe we've just breathed in all the oxygen and are currently living on old Co2. Usually, that thought would send me into a hypochondriactic (it's a word, because I have decided) fit, but I don't even care.

This is some random crap I've done to try and make today go faster.

SO YUMMY

• Someone just  offered me a Ganong Chicken Bone, which I'm allergic to due to high levels of cinnamon. I ate it anyways.
• I've been wandering into other offices, pretending I have things to do.
• Made my Christmas gift list.
• Did some high-kicks in the hallway.
• Started looking at the real estate and wedding locations in the area, even though I am not moving nor getting married.
• Talked to at least 3 peopel about instating a YES LIQUOR policy at work.
• Walked over to a neighbouring craft show, realised I had no money, then came back.
• Shimmied in my seat.
• Watched random parody videos of Erato's Call your Girlfriend

Original

Random swede with mini-ponytail.

And writing this post only wasted 20 minutes of my time. Damn that Marketing Dementor!

I Am The Worst Cook Ever

I actually managed to catch something on fire in the microwave.

I will provide more details tomorrow afternoon.

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IT'S TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

So, here's the dealio. Andrew always cooks. Why? Cause my famous go-to dish is microwave KD. (Which is delicious, by the way) I pretty much cook everything in the microwave because it is magical and easy. I am a Microwave pro. Or so I thought.

It all started with a major craving for grill cheeses, which I call girl cheeses (CRAVINGS DO NOT MEAN PREGNANCY!).Usually, I won't make them cause they involve a thing called the stove.

But then I saw THIS!

This is not my toaster. Although I wish it was.
That is a kick-ass toaster.

How rucking genius is that?! (I meant to write the F-word, but it typoed into that. I like rucking better anyways.) So I was like "Don't worry Andrew, I'LL make the girl cheese!". Then I popped the toaster on the side. He was like "Christine, that's not a good idea." I did it anyways.

Then the cheese starting sticking to the toaster and it all started to smoke, so I thought it was better to pop them out prematurely. It was basically warm bread with sticky cheese, but I stuck them together and ate it anyways. But I had to do the others some other way. Andrew agreed.

So I decided to put them in the toaster oven, since a toaster over is basically a prehistoric mircowave.

I ASKED FOR A SANDWICH, NOT A PORK ROAST! AND
STOP BEING SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!

This is when the really bad idea started. Our butter was pretty much frozen, since our kitchen is so cold. And I needed to spread it on the bread. Solution? MICROWAVE! This happened.

Me: I'm going to put this butter in the microwave. Do you think I can put it in still in the wrapper?

Andrew: I don't think so.

Me: Well, the wrapper is shiny looking, but it couldn't actually be made of metal, right? I mean, who wraps shit in metal?

Andrew: Just put a chunk in a bowl, then put it in the mircowave.

Me: Nah, I'll just put the whole thing in. It's only going to be for 15 seconds.

After TWO seconds, shit starting blowing up like Canada Day fireworks.

Me: IT'S MADE OF METAL! IT'S MADE OF METAL! OH MY GOD!

I panicked, then quickly turned the power off after only 5 second. I opened the door. There was a flame on the wrapper. It was getting bigger.

Me: THE BUTTER IS ON FIRE ANDREW! IT'S GETTING BIGGER!

Andrew ran over and attempted to blow out the flame. Which made it bigger.

Me: IT'S GETTING BIGGER!

Finally, Andrew blew hard enough (twss) to put it out. What was left was a disgusting-smelling charred mess of a wrapper and some funny-looking butter. I laughed hysterically as Andrew vowed to never let me cook again.

I still used the butter though.

Overheard at Work II

"All you need to do is slap the bitch's face and put it in a drawer." - 60 year old woman on the phone.