I Am The Worst Cook Ever

I actually managed to catch something on fire in the microwave.

I will provide more details tomorrow afternoon.

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IT'S TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

So, here's the dealio. Andrew always cooks. Why? Cause my famous go-to dish is microwave KD. (Which is delicious, by the way) I pretty much cook everything in the microwave because it is magical and easy. I am a Microwave pro. Or so I thought.

It all started with a major craving for grill cheeses, which I call girl cheeses (CRAVINGS DO NOT MEAN PREGNANCY!).Usually, I won't make them cause they involve a thing called the stove.

But then I saw THIS!

This is not my toaster. Although I wish it was.
That is a kick-ass toaster.

How rucking genius is that?! (I meant to write the F-word, but it typoed into that. I like rucking better anyways.) So I was like "Don't worry Andrew, I'LL make the girl cheese!". Then I popped the toaster on the side. He was like "Christine, that's not a good idea." I did it anyways.

Then the cheese starting sticking to the toaster and it all started to smoke, so I thought it was better to pop them out prematurely. It was basically warm bread with sticky cheese, but I stuck them together and ate it anyways. But I had to do the others some other way. Andrew agreed.

So I decided to put them in the toaster oven, since a toaster over is basically a prehistoric mircowave.

I ASKED FOR A SANDWICH, NOT A PORK ROAST! AND
STOP BEING SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!

This is when the really bad idea started. Our butter was pretty much frozen, since our kitchen is so cold. And I needed to spread it on the bread. Solution? MICROWAVE! This happened.

Me: I'm going to put this butter in the microwave. Do you think I can put it in still in the wrapper?

Andrew: I don't think so.

Me: Well, the wrapper is shiny looking, but it couldn't actually be made of metal, right? I mean, who wraps shit in metal?

Andrew: Just put a chunk in a bowl, then put it in the mircowave.

Me: Nah, I'll just put the whole thing in. It's only going to be for 15 seconds.

After TWO seconds, shit starting blowing up like Canada Day fireworks.

Me: IT'S MADE OF METAL! IT'S MADE OF METAL! OH MY GOD!

I panicked, then quickly turned the power off after only 5 second. I opened the door. There was a flame on the wrapper. It was getting bigger.

Me: THE BUTTER IS ON FIRE ANDREW! IT'S GETTING BIGGER!

Andrew ran over and attempted to blow out the flame. Which made it bigger.

Me: IT'S GETTING BIGGER!

Finally, Andrew blew hard enough (twss) to put it out. What was left was a disgusting-smelling charred mess of a wrapper and some funny-looking butter. I laughed hysterically as Andrew vowed to never let me cook again.

I still used the butter though.