Monday, 5 March 2012

"Is that Even Legal?"

I just remembered a great moment that Andrew and I had during our first year together where, for a few hilarious seconds, we freaked out complete strangers.

It was Halloween night. Andrew and I had stopped in at house party of one of my High School friends. I had created a bunny costume, thinking that it would be so very fabulous if Andrew dressed in his hunting gear (see Birthday Suit) while I was a bunny. Because we could be like Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny, but when Bugs was dressed up like a girl in that opera episode. Without the winged helmet.

Me, as a bunny.
I want to point out that I was NOT a Playboy Bunny. Because I may be a little unhinged, but I am classily unhinged. I also want to point out that Charms Diamond Centre has a Playboy Bunny Logo diamond necklace. The fact that someone is not only willing to gift that to someone, but is also willing to pay over $100 for it both saddens and amuses me.
Side side note:  If you ever wrap your newborn baby in a playboy themed blanket, I will cut you.
Back to Halloween night. It was that night that I found out that Andrew is fairly boring in public; while he may pretend he's a T-Rex while we're at home, he will not wear a red plaid bomber hat and pretend that our BBQ lighter that looks like a shotgun is an actual shotgun when in public. In other words, he refused to dress up as a hunter. So much for my dream of winning the Best Couples Costume Award.

So there we were, standing in the kitchen at this party, me wearing bunny ears, a white tank top and a little fluffy tail, Andrew in everyday clothes, when we saw one of my acquaintances, TJ. While I knew TJ because he used to date one of my friends, it turns out TJ also used to go to High School with Andrew. Surprised that we ended up together, he asked us how we met each other.

As I have said before, I met Andrew through his cousin and my friend Miss Love when we all went four-wheeling together. Cause that's how hicks meet apparently.

So, for some reason, we both autonomously decided that the best and quickest way to explain our story was to point to each other and simply say "Cousins."


That's totally us. We model part-time. I'm wearing a wig.
Well, that quickly killed the party. The whole crowd abruptly went quiet and stared at us with what seemed to me to be a mixture of alarm, revulsion and bewilderment. As everyone not-so-subtly leaned away from us, we realized what we had just implied.

Oh my Fuck, everyone thinks we're related. They think we're more-than-kissing-cousins. They think we're going to have disabled inbred children. We're officially redneck trash to everyone now. They probably think we laugh by going "hyuck hyuck!", have a meth lab and ride around Wal-Mart in a scooter.

We frantically explained to everyone that No, we're not cousins! We just meant. His cousin. My friend is his cousin. We met through a cousin. WE'RE NOT COUSINS.

Everyone nervously laughed, but I could tell that a few people, including an extremely drunk Donut, probably still thought we were truly cousins. I could see the judging in their unfocused eyes.

So we left the party.

The morale of the story? Never attempt to simplify a story to a one word statement. Especially if the statement is: Cousins.

You can't say I warned you.


  1. BAHAHAHA, cousins!
    I wouldn't judge you if you were cousins... at least not outwardly lol


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