Friday, 7 September 2012

Canadian Feature Friday - Where we Won't Cut off your Arms. Cause we're Nice People.

TGIF everyone! Today is a quickie; I'm giving you three facts about Canada.

At a Tim Hortons in Kandahar, Afganistan. Only a rocket
in a war zone will stop a Canadian from getting his coffee.
1. There are more donut shops per capita in Canada than any other country. Which is no surprise, because we are obsessed with coffee and donuts. Especially from Tim Hortons. It is beyond fucking absurd. My city's population is over 56,000 and we have 10 Tim hortons, while Toronto has almost 170 just within their city limits.

170, people!

Like Jesus, Mary, and Joseph that's just ridiculous. And the coffee isn't even good! Rumours are that they put crack in it to make you dependent... Ok, I may have made that rumour up.

2. We are so polite, it's ridiculous. I'm not sure if this applies to the entire nation, but it sure as hell is true in Eastern Canada. Examples of extreme politeness:
  • Where I live, you only hear a car horn once every couple of weeks. And it's usually someone honking to get the attention of a friend so that they can wave at each other.
  • We like to smile at strangers.
    • A smile is not an indication that you are about to be sexually assaulted.
  • Your door always gets held for you by others in front of you.
  • People constantly apoligize to others. I've run into a bench and apologized to the bench.

3. We're the third largest producer of diamonds in the world. Unlike other countries, we won't cut off your arm if you don't complete your daily quota.

Cause that shit is just rude.


  1. Canadians and Southerners will git along juuust fine! (speaking in a deep south accent!)

  2. Brilliant! The English are ridiculously polite too at times. True story: My friend was jogging through London, and some old dear wasn't watching the lights, and did a right turn while the pedestrians were crossing and hit my friend with her car. He jumped up, and apologized for being in her way. Even though he'd had the right of way. *shakes head slowly*

    1. That is amazing. I honestly have not other words.


  3. Canadians are funny too! :) You forgot to mention that. :)

    So glad part of North America is polite cause us American's down south of you all have sticks up are butts half the time and can't say a nice word if our lives depended on it! And saying sorry? I not sure they know what that means! lol.

    Just yesterday I meant to say something in a polite way just to let the cashier know I couldn't see the screen, apparently bitch is ingrained in me because my husband said my tone was horrible after we left and it's a good thing I had spent some time talking with her before I said that because she would have thought I was a huge bitch. AND her parents were in line behind me. I will go hide under a rock now!

  4. Haha. The best Canadian conversation I have had:

    Coworker: Sorry for bumping into you!
    Me: I was in the way! Don't apologize!
    Coworker: Oh, sorry!
    Me: Coworker! You don't have to apologize for saying sorry!
    Coworker: haha! Sorry!

  5. For years I have dreamt of visiting Canada. However I am convinced that if I go there, I will be kicked out or even denied entry because of how obnoxious and rude I am. I've decided that in order to prevent this, I should become a citizen beforehand. "You can't kick me out, I live here dammit!"

    While it's not impossible to become a citizen without physically being the country, it's difficult. And even if I was taking an easier way, there are really difficult tests I'd have to pass.

    Rather than actually study, I will read your Canadian Features, and nod knowingly, pretending that I'm laughing because I've experienced it all and know it to be true.

    That's the next best thing to be being a Canadian, right? And so much easier.

    1. I would tell you that we would never kick you out because we are way too polite (we'd just think you were having a bad day and tolerate you or, at the very worst, give you disapproving glares).

      But if I tell you that, you might stop reading my Canadian Features.

      So yes, we would definitely kick you out. Bitch. ;)


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