My Kittens turn me into a Four Year Old

Here's the thing. Before these little fuzzballs, I had never really had cats in my life. My mom had a cat flip shit on her and jump on her head when she was a kid, so she's hated them/been terrified of them ever since. She'll totally deny it, but she does.

HOLY SHIT WATCH OUT MORGAN FREEMAN!

 Because of this, the only cat I knew growing up was my aunts' cat called Souris. And he was an asshole. He was fat, orange, and had a vendetta against me for some reason. Every time we went to visit, I would try to convince him that I was a great person and that we could be best friends and I would give him cat nip and toys IF HE WOULD ONLY LOVE ME GODDAMN IT! But he would only hiss at me and I would run away.

He looked like this, but I swear I never threw him in the water.

But even in this practically nonexistant relationship with cats, punctuated by bad experiences with an ironically-named cat (look it up, non-French people), I still felt like we could have a wonderful connection.

So after Andrew and I got Lucy, a black lab/border collie puppy on cocaine, I felt like I could totally handle a cat. I mean, you really just have to water them every once in a while and keep them in the sun, right? So I pestered Andrew non-stop to get one. After all, me being a good girlfriend, I wasn't going to just go and get one without his consent. Although I could get one against his will.

Point: I'm very, very persistent. I do not give up or back down. Andrew is neither strong willed, nor stubborn enough to win against me. So after three weeks of Andrew holding out, I could see he was starting to crack. So I took advantage.
We got Tika one day, and got her sibling Sako the next. I named them after guns in an attempt to appease the Hick Gods.

And ever since then, I have been in a permanent state of amazement.

HOLY FUCK A FUCKING BRANCH!

Now just pretend I am that monkey, and my kittens are the branch. Anything the cats do, is a wonder of God to me. It doesn't matter how often they do whatever it is that they do, it's still a miracle.

Climb into a bag? Magical.

SAKO IS SO CLOSE TO LUCY!

Catch a fly? I'm floored.

Purr? It's like angels singing.

Awww! It's drinking to survive!

Knead anything? .... Speechless.

OMG ALCOHOLIC KITTY!

 Clean themselves? GENIUS!

While their day to day actions give me a permanent high, Andrew is a little less impressed. That's probably because he's been around cats all his life. Unfortunately, because he chose me to be his partner, he has to bear witness to every single event in the kittens' lives. All thanks to me.

This happens every day. Mutliple times.

Me: Andrew! Look! Tika climbed into a box!

Andrew: *Not giving a shit*

Me: Andrew! Andrew! Look, Andrew! She's sitting in the box! Oh my God, she's like "Look at me. Oh wait, you can't, because I'm hiding in a box." LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS ANDREW!

Andrew: ...Yes, I looked. She's in a box.

Me: No, you missed it! She was cuter before. WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AS SOON AS I TELL YOU TOO?

Or.

Me: ANDREW! COME HERE QUICK!

Andrew: *running* What's wrong?!?!

Me: Sako jumped up on the washer! How adorable is she?! Look how proud she is! "Look at me, I so tall! I can see everything now! I a big kitty!"

Andrew: I'm going back to the couch.